I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
