Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
