sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just found puke in my bra..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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