I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
