i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mom said you looked used
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
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