She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
