If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
