Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
