I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My pussy is not your playground.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
