I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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