all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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