Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
