I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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