he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We named our party play list daddy issues
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
