She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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