apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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