Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
