somebody snuck up and got me drunk
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
