Will you blow on my dice?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
