Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
