therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
