we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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