Too much gin, very little bucket
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
