last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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