He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize