The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
