she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
