I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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