Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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