Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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