I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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