New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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