How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
