This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
