happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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