There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
