First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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