i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
