but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
