My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
