as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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