she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
