feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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