I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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