Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
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I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
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Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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