remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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