Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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