why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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