So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
