Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
