Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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