Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
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in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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