U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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