; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
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I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
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Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize