the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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