shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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