Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
