nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
