I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
