It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
