Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
