Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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