turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
