We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Are my feet made of real feet?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
