some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We got so high we made milksteak
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
