i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
