She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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