marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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