I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
