Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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